Apparently, the actors inside the Godzilla suit for the Japanese movies had a habit of nearly suffocating.
Whoever thought it would be a good idea to take the king sized candy bars and just stick two fun sized ones in the wrapper needs to be taken out back and shot... slowly. When I buy a king sized bar, I WANT a king sized bar. Not some under grown thing they call "fun" sized. What is that anyway? Did some team of cross-discipline scientists and engineers get together, spend millions of government research money and measure fun? I can see it now. "Yes, Senator. We've finally broken through the glee barrier and quantified fun. This is exactly one unit of fun. Now about next years funding..." And those stupid fun sized bars are smaller cross sectional than the king sized bars used to be! If I'd wanted a fun sized bar, I would have gone to the store and bought a bag of fun sized bars. Not gotten ripped off at the vending machine for two of them. You know what, shooting that asshat slowly is too good for him. He needs to be stood up before a firing squad while being drawn and quartered for life.
A team of mathematicians at MIT submitted a geometric proof today that may very well turn the universe on it's ear. It took 12 of them 5 years, but they think they've proven that there is exactly 12.421 lbs of fruitcake on the entire planet and it just keeps getting passed around from person to person. The implications are astounding. The corollary law of conservation of fruitcake is being examined by the team of physicists that first postulated the 1st Law Of Bacon: Bacon can be neither created nor destroyed it can only GET IN MY BELLAH!